oh how i wish i had stories to write on these pages. i feel as though they won't come soon enough. stories from anywhere but here. not that there's anything wrong with here. i just need change. i'll let my friend donald miller explain it a little better:

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving your self around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: Leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you whi will have changed. [through painted deserts]

As i want so much to leave, i can't ignore the beauty God has placed before me. My focus now is to savor the beauty in every moment. in every laugh and every tear, i want to savor it. i don't want to lose one minute of this precious life God has blessed me with. i just don't know why i have to be so flippin anxious all the time.

Unless the Lord builds a house,
the work of the builders is wasted.
Unless the Lord protects a city,
guarding it with sentries will do no good.
It is useless for you to work so hard
from early morning until late at night,
anxiously working for food to eat;
for God gives rest to his loved ones. [psalm 127]

My response to this comes from a treasured letter i just received from a sister who's enjoying her own version of Leave. and i celebrate with her. "all we need to do is Love Jesus and love others and ask 'what can i do for you today?' and if He says 'do nothing except dance and paint your toes' or 'i have a big job for you today!' then that is what you do!" [jess]


so goodnight world, and may tomorrow bring sunshine or rain and what else will the day bring? we will see.

waiting

my travels have yet to begun. today i am sitting in a house - the house i grew up in - which resides in a small town in the middle of a small island off the western coast of Canada. it's beautiful here. arguably the most beautiful and best place to live in the world. yet. something tugs at me, at my heart, to go. to run. to be out there seeing things i haven't seen, meeting people i haven't met. i guess that's to be expected of someone my age. but i don't want to just do the tourist backpack thing, set foot in each European country just long enough to say that i've been there, i've seen that, i've tasted that. that shoebox experience holds no interest for me. in the words of our most frequent customer at the bakery [three times a day to be exact] "be a traveller, not a tourist". 

so here i am waiting, putting in my time, hoping to make something valuable out of my next few months here. i'm writing this as my first entry with probably more to follow as these are the months that i'm allowing myself to dream of what's to come, where i'm to go, who i will meet, what i will photograph, where i will live. the plan changes all the time and i'm ok with that. as for where i will end up? there's only One who knows.